Teddy: Question 1. What does a cheesy biscuit’s mouth look like? Teddy: Question 2. What does a cat’s mouth look like when it’s miaowing so much that it cracks your head open? (answers: Q1, lots of little holes. Q2, an ‘i’.)
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The private life of thoughts that just slip away
Teddy: How did you remember that number without asking the teacher? (Meredith’s Nursery has just installed a new number-coded entry gate – same old number, shiny new gate) Me: I just remembered it from the first time they told me the number. Teddy: But Daddy you said the other day that you didn’t have a [...]
The ideal birthday present for a 5 year old
Teddy: This is just what I wanted. It’s brilliant. It’s exactly what I needed. Alison: Do you know what it is Teddy? Teddy: No.
One for the ‘Guinness Book of Records’ I reckon
Teddy informs me today that he has 21 knuckles on his wrist. Surely this is a record.
On picking up other people’s poo
Teddy: “Daddy, why don’t people pick up other people’s poo.” We’re in the bathroom when this question is asked. Meredith is potty training and delighted with her latest efforts. Teddy and I have been brought in to celebrate the occasion. Me: “That’s a strange idea Teddy. I don’t like picking up my own poo never [...]
Better than 20/20 vision
Me: My goodness Teddy, you do have good eyes. Teddy: Yes, I have very good eyesight. I can see with my eyes closed.
Lunacy
Teddy: Daddy, the moon is getting bigger. Me: No, I think it’s the same size it has always been. It just looks like it’s getting bigger. Teddy: the moon is really big… and full of holes. They go all the way down into it. You can stick your finger in them.
I spy something beginning with anything but H
Teddy: I spy with my little eye something beginning with H Me: H? Teddy: Yes H. Me: H, h…, h… No I can’t think of it Teddy. Can I see it. Teddy: Yes it’s right in front of you. It’s inside the car. Me: H? h…. No sorry Teddy I can’t think what it is. [...]
The butterfly masculinity test.
Daddy, do you like butterflies? Yes I do. Only ladies like butterflies. I think both men and women can like butterflies. No they don’t. I don’t like butterflies. Men don’t like butterflies. Only ladies like butterflies.
Teddy’s picture deconstructed
Who are they Teddy? They are just our family. And what are these? They are skaters… so they can go on ice which is very hard water a long way from Spain. And these are wheels so they can go on the beach… I need to add one more wheel. And these are lights all [...]
