Teddy: Question 2. What does a cat’s mouth look like when it’s miaowing so much that it cracks your head open?

(answers: Q1, lots of little holes. Q2, an ‘i’.)

(Meredith’s Nursery has just installed a new number-coded entry gate – same old number, shiny new gate)

Me: I just remembered it from the first time they told me the number.

Teddy: But Daddy you said the other day that you didn’t have a very good memory.

Me: It’s not that bad. I can remember a few numbers. I just forget some things. I have to remember lots of things and sometimes a few things just get lost or slip away if my head’s already full.

Teddy: I have a thought that has just slipped away.

Me: If you’re quick you might get it back.

Teddy: No it has gone. My thought has gone to the beach – for a swim. It likes the beach. My wiggly worm likes to go swimming.

Me: Can it swim!?

Teddy: No.

Me: Does it just float?

Teddy: No.

Me:What then?

Teddy: It sinks.

Alison: Do you know what it is Teddy?

Teddy: No.

We’re in the bathroom when this question is asked. Meredith is potty training and delighted with her latest efforts. Teddy and I have been brought in to celebrate the occasion.

Me: “That’s a strange idea Teddy. I don’t like picking up my own poo never mind anyone else’s. Why would anyone want to pick up someone else’s poo?.”

Teddy: “But why don’t they?”

me: “Because it’s not very nice. And it’s not necessary or expected.”

Teddy: “But people pick up dog poo. I’ve seen them.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s because, unlike you and I, dogs can’t use the toilet in the bathroom. And they can’t pick up their own poo with their paws. And their owners don’t want anyone to tread in it by accident. It’s admittedly anomalous – the only creature that can easily pick up it’s own poo prefers not to. ”

Teddy: “What’s a Nomalus.”

Teddy: Yes, I have very good eyesight. I can see with my eyes closed.

Me: No, I think it’s the same size it has always been. It just looks like it’s getting bigger.

Teddy: the moon is really big… and full of holes. They go all the way down into it. You can stick your finger in them.

Me: H?

Teddy: Yes H.

Me: H, h…, h… No I can’t think of it Teddy. Can I see it.

Teddy: Yes it’s right in front of you. It’s inside the car.

Me: H? h…. No sorry Teddy I can’t think what it is. Give me a clue.

Teddy: Do you want a clue?

Me: Yes please?

Teddy: It doesn’t begin with H.

Yes I do.

Only ladies like butterflies.

I think both men and women can like butterflies.

No they don’t. I don’t like butterflies. Men don’t like butterflies. Only ladies like butterflies.

They are just our family.

And what are these?

They are skaters… so they can go on ice which is very hard water a long way from Spain.

And these are wheels so they can go on the beach… I need to add one more wheel.

And these are lights all round to make silence… to make all the cars go away… that’s what they mean.